


Apologies

by Sonia34



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Friendship/Love, Future Fic, Gen, Love, Marriage, Sad, Secrets, Surprise Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 06:23:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15309369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonia34/pseuds/Sonia34
Summary: Even when someone is right beside you, so much can go unseen.





	Apologies

When Lizzie and I get married, it is almost a surprise. It had been arranged for years, and yet, I never thought my life would get that far. At the time, I thought I was merely being realistic, but as the years went on and my revenge remained unfinished, the thought became something more akin to superstition. _Of course_ I wouldn’t make it into adulthood. The idea was ridiculous. If there’s one thing I have never been, it is that lucky. But luck, as it seemed, looked the other way.

…If only for a time.

After Lizzie moved in, things were very different. I found myself being dragged out of the house more and more often, and being forced to engage with other nobles, although my opinions of them never changed. I wished I could enjoy myself at the parties, for Lizzie’s sake, but it was all I could do to merely bear it.  
“I’m sorry,” I told her.  
“I know,” she said.  
Sebastian and my outings were shielded by a newfound level of secrecy, with the queen’s orders becoming harder to fulfill. Killing targets in my own home, having once been convenient, fell out of the question. Or, out of the ordinary, at least.

In the first few weeks, the mansion became a shock of pink, and it was all Sebastian and I could do to protect my wardrobe, as well, from seeing the results of Lizzie’s obsession with all things “adorable.” After the first month, Lizzie and I reached what one might call a working agreement; there were certain rooms that would be subject to her whims, but the others would remain off limits, for anything except flowers and, on holidays, garlands or other temporary adornments. My room was not to be touched, on any occasion.

Despite the distance I maintained, partially out of habit and partially out of fear—the fear of getting closer only leave Lizzie in grief after my contract was fulfilled—I grew a new appreciation for Elizabeth. A new kind love, once might say. Although I was never good at voicing it, Lizzie recognized its existence, and returned it with that never-faltering love of her own. Always visible. Never missing. Somewhere along the line, we found our stride. Outings became more enjoyable. We found that both of us had an attraction to games; something that was always there, yet missed our eyes. We joked together, toying mildly with those who got on our nerves. She laughed. On occasion, so did I.

But there was a pain in her eyes. I knew it was there. Perhaps I grew used to it. Perhaps I was afraid of it. No matter the case, ignorance was the guise I chose. It was morning, sometime in early spring, when I noticed something else entirely. Lizzie sat across from me, sipping from a cup of tea, when her eyes met mine and I nearly froze. Something was wrong. I could tell, and yet had no clue as to what it was. Lizzie smiled weakly and inquired as to my evening the night before. I told her it was fine. Business for the queen. Nothing to worry her. I was sorry to have returned to the manor so late. She shook her head. “You always say that.”  
“Because it’s true.”  
“I know. But still. You’re gone so often.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I know you are.”

After that, Lizzie began to disappear as well. She passed it off as social engagements, but a nagging in my mind said it was something else entirely. At last, I ordered Sebastian to follow her. “I apologize, master. I lost her trail.”

Elizabeth returned in the dead of night. “There appeared to be blood on her dress,” Sebastian informed me.

It is only now, on assignment, that the pieces have fallen into place. I stare down at the corpse in front of me, unmoving now, after my damning command. We are preparing to leave when the demon holds a hand in the air. “There’s someone else here.” He whispers. He steps around the corner, myself at his side. We glance around it, and Elizabeth stares back.

She walks past us slowly, brushing a tear from her eye. “I didn’t want you to know,” she says, kneeling beside the man, lying dead on the floor. She raises her sword, burying it in the man’s chest. I watch as the air fills with strips of glowing film, spiraling upwards before dissipating into the hilt of her blade.

It’s now that I recognize what I hadn’t seen. That difference in her eyes. Not merely an expression, hidden within them. A color. One green, exchanged for another.

“What happened to you?”  
“You know the truth about me as well as I know the truth about you,” she says, standing to brush the dust from her skirt. “The watchdog and his butler. The master and his demon.”  
“But…” my head spins. I feel ill. She looks at me from behind a pair of delicate, silver glasses, which I have never seen before. “You would have had to _die_. And you’re _not_. You’re not dead,” my voice grows quiet. “You didn’t do that to yourself.”  
Lizzie shakes her head, avoiding my gaze. “But I _did,_ ” she whispers. “Despite my regrets… I did.” She looks up at me again. “You didn’t notice.”

I stare at her, faltering.

“I swore to myself it would be impossible. Even if you could ignore me in life, disappearing so often without a trace, turning from my questions, guarding yourself from me… even with all of the things you missed, my death could never be one of them. I suppose I was wrong.”

“Lizzie…” my eyes betray me and I find that I am crying. “I’m so sorry.”  
Elizabeth approaches me. “I know you are,” she whispers. She places a kiss on my cheek and takes my hand. “It makes two of us, I suppose.”

 


End file.
